Heidi Isern
HEIDI · ISERN
writer. thinker. whiskey drinker.
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When ‘The One’ isn’t The One (and Marries Someone Else)

When ‘The One’ isn’t The One (and Marries Someone Else)

Sep 10, 2014 | Relationships

Do you remember…when you thought you found ”The One?” The One you wrote poems about at 3am because the butterflies kept you from sleeping. And eating. And all other human functions that disappear when infatuation invades your body.  You didn’t even poop for three...
Heidi Isern
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Popular Posts

  • Be Naked: A Weekend in Esalen
  • 2020 Destroyed My Life, So I’m Creating a New One
  • Do You Really Suck or is it Imposter Syndrome?
  • Why You Should Give Your Lover an Onion
  • When People Don’t Want to Hear Your Truth
  • Why You Can’t Find the One (and Why It’s Ok): Part 3
  • Why You Don’t Have Community (and How to Build it)
  • Looking for True Love? Find Your Tribe
  • Women Need to Date Carpenters Like Men Date Yoga Instructors
  • How to Do the Whole30 Diet with a Toddler

Archives

  • ▼2021
    • ▼October
      • Looking for True Love? Find Your Tribe
      • How to Make a Rainbow Out Of Motherly Love
      • Is Passionate Love Worth Your Sanity?
      • I’m Sick of People Preaching “Self Love” and Here’s Why
    • ▼September
      • To Be What You Want to Be, Stop Wanting and Doing….
      • Are You Stuck in a Creative Rut? Three Ways to Get Out
      • Time Stressed? 5 Hacks for an Additional 30 Minutes Each Day
    • ▼August
      • Why you Should Stop Everything and Do this ONE Thing for Success.
      • Stop Being An Angelic People Pleaser
      • What Should Your Legacy Be?
      • How to Do the Whole30 Diet with a Toddler
    • ▼July
      • How to Survive (and Enjoy) Going to a Wedding Solo ...
      • Frazzled Coping Strategies - What to Do When You Lose your Phone (Again)
      • Are Your Memories Real, Even When Disputed by Family?
      • Is the Love for Your Child Dysfunctional? Relax, it's Normal ...
    • ▼June
      • I Asked 13 People Who Taught Them to Love; Their Answers Will Surprise You
      • Is Resentment Poisoning Your Life? 5 Tips to Move On
      • Do You Really Suck or is it Imposter Syndrome?
      • Why You Can’t Find the One (and Why It’s Ok): Part 3
      • When People Don't Want to Hear Your Truth
    • ▼May
      • 2020 Destroyed My Life, So I’m Creating a New One
  • ▼2020
    • ▼October
      • Five Awesome Things the Pandemic Has Done for Me (The Pandemefits)
    • ▼September
      • Five Reasons to Get to the Mountains NOW
      • Please do this one thing for me ...
      • 5 Ways I am Finding Hope after Ruth Bader Ginsburg Died
      • Releasing Unforgivable Hurts
      • How the 2020 End of Days is Slowly Killing Me
      • Am I a Corporate Sell Out?
      • Am I a Masochist Mama?
    • ▼August
      • Metamorphosis to Suburban Mom from Second Tier Socialite
  • ▼2018
    • ▼February
      • Is this City Destroying our Community?
    • ▼January
      • How Being Less Productive Made Me More Productive
      • Three Signs You’re Too Lazy For Love
  • ▼2017
    • ▼November
      • How to Give ‘Real Time Feedback’ Without Being a Jerk
      • Unplanned pregnancies to poor performance reviews...what we reveal at work
    • ▼August
      • ‘Knocked Up’?! How I embraced a non-linear life…
    • ▼May
      • Two Words to Increase Your Happiness
    • ▼March
      • How Writing Weekly on Medium Changed My Life
    • ▼February
      • Why You Should Give Your Lover an Onion
      • Women Need to Date Carpenters Like Men Date Yoga Instructors
      • Why You Can’t Find the One: Part 2
    • ▼January
      • How a Powder Day Threatened my Friendship
      • Do We Do it For Love or Money?
      • Wanna be happy? Screw the resolutions.
  • ▼2016
    • ▼December
      • What People REALLY Want for Christmas
      • Why You Can't Fall in Love Like You Want To
    • ▼November
      • Five Things I am NOT Thankful For
      • How to Survive a Red-Blue Thanksgiving
      • The One Thing to Save Your Relationship
    • ▼October
      • Gut Feeling? 4 Reasons NOT to Listen to It
      • Has Tech Killed Art in San Francisco?
      • 50 Shades of Ambiguity: Why the ‘Gray Zone’ is Good For You
    • ▼September
      • Tell Fear to F*ck Off-4 Ways to Jumpstart a New Life
      • Why You Can’t Make Your Relationship Last
      • Quantity or Quality? My Blogging Struggle
      • My Family’s Gay Indian Montana Wedding
    • ▼August
      • How to Survive Loss, Without Losing Yourself
      • Books that Change the Course of Our Lives
      • Age 40 - Half Dead or Just Starting?
      • Why Feeling Like You're Not Enough ....Is More Than Enough
    • ▼July
      • How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Drowning — Life Tips from Ducks
      • A Critique on Critique: How to Use it, How to Lose it.
      • Wanna Be Interesting? Write in a Bar
    • ▼June
      • Why Don't We Listen to our Gut?
      • Choice-Make One and Don't Look Back
      • 3 of the Best Life Lessons Learned from Dad
      • When Lying is Better Than Truth
    • ▼May
      • The Naked Truth of Getting Older
      • The Talk No One Wants to Have
      • Good Naked vs. Bad Naked
      • Open Up, Close More Deals
    • ▼April
      • Leaving Perfection - A Poem
      • To Fall Out of Love, Do This.
      • Why He Won't Marry You
      • Jump off the Career Ladder, Save Your Life
    • ▼March
      • The Happiness Gamble: Settle or Hold Out?
      • Why You Cannot Find "The One"
    • ▼February
      • Redefining Success
  • ▼2015
    • ▼December
      • The Only Resolution You Should Make
    • ▼November
      • The Grateful Competition
    • ▼October
      • Why Delhi is Better than Burning Man
    • ▼August
      • Sell Your Suitcase: 4 Reasons to Stop Traveling
    • ▼July
      • How our 'PC' Culture is ruining us
    • ▼May
      • A Woman at Odds: Baby or Love?
    • ▼February
      • 4 Unconventional Ways to Celebrate V-Day, Solo
      • Why I Write
    • ▼January
      • Release Your Mind: The Art of Memory Management
  • ▼2014
    • ▼December
      • This Season, Give the Gift of TMI
    • ▼November
      • Why You Don’t Have Community (and How to Build it)
    • ▼October
      • Egg Freezing: What They Don't Tell You
    • ▼September
      • When 'The One' isn’t The One (and Marries Someone Else)
    • ▼August
      • Don't Do This in Your 30's
    • ▼July
      • How to Fall in Love in 5 Minutes
    • ▼May
      • Finger Lickin' Freedom: 4 Things I Love About America....
      • Addicted to Intensity*: Interview with a Serial Crisis Zone Doctor
    • ▼April
      • Have Regrets? Get Over It.
    • ▼March
      • New York vs. San Francisco: In Quotes
    • ▼February
      • A Love Letter to my Liver
    • ▼January
      • NonResolutions: NonImprovement Plans for the New Year
  • ▼2013
    • ▼October
      • Marry A Man Who Doesn't Read
      • Building Relationships in Urban Anonymity: A Tale of Two Peruvians
      • How to Mess Up Your Online Identity (#FAIL)
    • ▼September
      • My Dirty Secret
      • Burning Man Lessons from A Newbie
    • ▼August
      • Stop Talking: Making Less More.
      • Dream Job Interview: From Hedge Funds to Mountain Peaks
    • ▼July
      • Imperfectly Naked
    • ▼June
      • 3 Ways To Indulge like a Parisian
    • ▼May
      • Bringing Your 'Whole Self' To Work?!
    • ▼April
      • Stilettos, Sexism, and Sheryl Sandberg
    • ▼March
      • A Different Take on Philanthropy
    • ▼February
      • Things Not Posted on Facebook
      • How to Live Life and Love it!
  • ▼2012
    • ▼May
      • Be Naked: A Weekend in Esalen
    • ▼April
      • Not Thinking About Sex in a Monastery
  • ▼2011
    • ▼August
      • A Love Poem for Us All

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May your Mother’s Day be as silly as ours….. May your Mother’s Day be as silly as ours…..

#mothersday2022 #mothersunite #threegenerations
Hard week. Lots of work. A minor cold. Threw out m Hard week. Lots of work. A minor cold. Threw out my back. Was going to stay grumbly at home … but forcing myself out to sunny SF amid humans lifted my mood. Yup- even in a back brace. Thank you WeWork. 

#startupgrind #startupmom #wework
Some days we just make the wrong choices. Or life Some days we just make the wrong choices. Or life makes the wrong choices for us. Resent, regret and all sorts of darker feelings can take over. I know that dark road very well. But there’s always an option to turn around and find a way out, a way up. If we look for it……

Ps. This week is a hard week. Probably can tell by the M+M lunches in my stories. Maybe M+Ms are part of my way up. Whatever it takes….

#workingparent #singlemom #mentalhealthrecovery #findaway
Mine was last night. Vivi had rubbed toothpaste al Mine was last night. Vivi had rubbed toothpaste all over her face telling me it was her ‘face cream’ to help her sleep. After I washed it off her face, got the sticky mess out of her hair, put on clean pajamas and tucked her back in…..I decided I needed a trip to the high cabinet where all the chocolate lives. 

I don’t feel very well this morning…..

#toddlertales #singlemomlife #workingmom #eastercandy
Happy Easter! We did some “hunting” this morni Happy Easter! We did some “hunting” this morning following bunny tracks though out the area. (No. a certain person was NOT up all night creating hand cut bunny footprints….). Egg and basket hunt followed by Church and delectable Brunch items…..

#easter2022 #egghunt #singlemommy
There is a legend from the Midrash (Rabbinic bibli There is a legend from the Midrash (Rabbinic biblical interpretation) that claims the parting of the Red Sea didn’t quite happen when Moses lifted his staff but rather when a Hebrew walked into the sea—and right when the water came up to his face, the sea parted. 

Regardless of your religious faith, have faith in yourself and your dreams and ….jump in. The world may conform around you.

Happy Passover and Good Friday to those celebrating. 

#chagsameach #redsea #miraclescanhappen #liveyourpurpose #liveyourdream
I don’t know why but I delight in making Vivis l I don’t know why but I delight in making Vivis lunch every morning. My goal is to ensure she has a rainbow of colors. I then eat her sandwich crusts with my coffee for breakfast. 😊

#parentlife #schoollunch #singlemommy
Take this however you want. 😜 #lifequotes #lif Take this however you want. 😜

#lifequotes #lifeinspiration #quotable #marktwainquote #marktwain #doright
I don’t go to church often. But I did today and I don’t go to church often. But I did today and I believe it was to hear this message. So many times I want to hurt those who have hurt me. Or strike back to stand up for myself. Or just bumble around feeling resentful fantasizing about vengeance. (Like against all those rich people that are bidding up home prices in Marin county). 

But perhaps the harder path… to feel… is what’s required. “Holding on to the pain is a harder than vengeance” the Reverend said. I know this. Will Smith knows this too. 

Maybe if we hold long enough we’ll be able to let go……

#sundayinspiration #resentment #divorcedmom #divorcedparents #workingmomlife #singlemom #balancedlifestyle #lettinggoquotes #letitgo
Lightness. What can you drop to make 2022 a bit ea Lightness. What can you drop to make 2022 a bit easier, lighter, and perhaps even….joyful? 

#workingmom #singlemom #singlemomlife #coparenting #midlifestyle #midlifewoman
My little baker learned how to crack eggs today! S My little baker learned how to crack eggs today! She did five all on her own including three for scrambled eggs and two for applesauce muffins! To me cracking eggs is just a big a ritual as riding a bike. #mommyandme #kidbaking #singlemomlife #littlebaker
Scenes from the weekend up at the cabin in the cra Scenes from the weekend up at the cabin in the crazies. I’m t had been years since I’d been back to MT in winter. It won’t be years inbetween winter visits ever again.
I haven’t been back to Montana Winter in a while I haven’t been back to Montana Winter in a while….cold and calming. And… no stinkin’ lift lines at the slopes.

#montanagirl #backhome #skiday #getoutside
Off to Montana to see my cousin, maybe ski, and re Off to Montana to see my cousin, maybe ski, and remember life perspective while in big sky country under the pines, hearing my feet crunch on snow. Nature always brings me calm. So does a glass of wine with people I love. How about you? 

#montanagirl #bigskycountry #naturelover #traveling #skiweekend
Happy 70th birthday to an amazing mother and even Happy 70th birthday to an amazing mother and even more amazing Nana. Thank you for remaining young in your heart and gracing everyone with your positivity, warmth , and wit. We’re so lucky to have you! Here’s to…. Another 70?!? 😊

#70thbirthday #blendedfamily #grandkids #happybirthdaymom❤️
Sometimes I feel I’m juggling the world especial Sometimes I feel I’m juggling the world especially after joining a rapidly growing startup. But I’m still moving while holding all that is important to me. Vivi and I still have “special time” to talk about faeries. I enjoy an occasional glass with of wine (or whiskey) with friends. And I still do sit-ups each morning. Perhaps it’s true what they say- you want something done- give it to a busy person. Or a single mom! We know how to keep holding on while moving forward….

#careermomlife #workingparents #singlemom #girlmom #startupgrind #lifebalance #workingwoman #singlemothers #singlemommy
Impromptu sock puppet arguing with another sock pu Impromptu sock puppet arguing with another sock puppet (not shown) on if Vivi would eat more Chicken or green beans. And this is how we finish meals in my house. 

Socks courtesy of my feet. 

#singlemom #toddlerdinner #eatingwithkids #careeemom #careermomlife #parentinghacks #parentingtips
Finished my Em cee role at Narvar kickoff with a g Finished my Em cee role at Narvar kickoff with a glass of Rye Whisky! 🥃 

#startuplifestyle #careermom #rooftopparty #retailtech
In Valentines past I would write about love, love In Valentines past I would write about love, love lost or some elusive romance. I was either relishing something or someone, or coveting something or someone. Enter 2022. After two years of a global pandemic, becoming a single mom and starting a job in a fast paced startup, I laugh at romance. Who has time for Cupid when you’re trying to survive? So not this year. Not today. Romance- maybe I’ll see you in 2023. Everything in time, right? Big shoutout to all the single parents out there, who like me woke up at 6am to make Valentines for their kids school. ❤️❤️❤️you rock! 

#singlemom #yougotthis #workingmom #feministmom #startupmom #workingmomlife #workingwomen
Today I’m madly prepping for our company kickoff Today I’m madly prepping for our company kickoff while taking care of a four year old whose school is closed. One hour of coloring /one hour of zoom. We go out to grab lunch to go and ITS PACKED. People laughing while waiting in line, taking two hours to eat a fancy salad, strolling around without a care in the world. On a work day!!
No one brought a laptop with them. No one checking their phone. They’re enjoying themselves!! The audacity. 

I hate them.

#workingmom #singlemom #workingmom #startuplife
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Latest Posts

Looking for True Love? Find Your Tribe

Continue reading

How to Make a Rainbow Out Of Motherly Love

Continue reading

Is Passionate Love Worth Your Sanity?

Continue reading

I’m Sick of People Preaching “Self Love” and Here’s Why

Continue reading

To Be What You Want to Be, Stop Wanting and Doing….

Continue reading

Are You Stuck in a Creative Rut? Three Ways to Get Out

Continue reading

Time Stressed? 5 Hacks for an Additional 30 Minutes Each Day

Continue reading

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Latest Tweets

  • RT @RepJayapal: If the GOP were actually pro-life, they would also be pro-vaccinations, pro-gun safety, pro-health care, etc. Make no mist… Time ago 166 Days via Twitter Web App
  • RT @bigbird2022: Give me thumbs up and retweet if you support Stacey Abrams for Georgia Governor 👍 Time ago 166 Days via Twitter Web App
  • Or our daughters...... t.co/1m2t8C3CO8 Time ago 166 Days via Twitter Web App

Follow @hisern on twitter.

Instagram

heidi_isern_writer

May your Mother’s Day be as silly as ours….. May your Mother’s Day be as silly as ours…..

#mothersday2022 #mothersunite #threegenerations
Hard week. Lots of work. A minor cold. Threw out m Hard week. Lots of work. A minor cold. Threw out my back. Was going to stay grumbly at home … but forcing myself out to sunny SF amid humans lifted my mood. Yup- even in a back brace. Thank you WeWork. 

#startupgrind #startupmom #wework
Some days we just make the wrong choices. Or life Some days we just make the wrong choices. Or life makes the wrong choices for us. Resent, regret and all sorts of darker feelings can take over. I know that dark road very well. But there’s always an option to turn around and find a way out, a way up. If we look for it……

Ps. This week is a hard week. Probably can tell by the M+M lunches in my stories. Maybe M+Ms are part of my way up. Whatever it takes….

#workingparent #singlemom #mentalhealthrecovery #findaway
Mine was last night. Vivi had rubbed toothpaste al Mine was last night. Vivi had rubbed toothpaste all over her face telling me it was her ‘face cream’ to help her sleep. After I washed it off her face, got the sticky mess out of her hair, put on clean pajamas and tucked her back in…..I decided I needed a trip to the high cabinet where all the chocolate lives. 

I don’t feel very well this morning…..

#toddlertales #singlemomlife #workingmom #eastercandy
Happy Easter! We did some “hunting” this morni Happy Easter! We did some “hunting” this morning following bunny tracks though out the area. (No. a certain person was NOT up all night creating hand cut bunny footprints….). Egg and basket hunt followed by Church and delectable Brunch items…..

#easter2022 #egghunt #singlemommy
There is a legend from the Midrash (Rabbinic bibli There is a legend from the Midrash (Rabbinic biblical interpretation) that claims the parting of the Red Sea didn’t quite happen when Moses lifted his staff but rather when a Hebrew walked into the sea—and right when the water came up to his face, the sea parted. 

Regardless of your religious faith, have faith in yourself and your dreams and ….jump in. The world may conform around you.

Happy Passover and Good Friday to those celebrating. 

#chagsameach #redsea #miraclescanhappen #liveyourpurpose #liveyourdream
I don’t know why but I delight in making Vivis l I don’t know why but I delight in making Vivis lunch every morning. My goal is to ensure she has a rainbow of colors. I then eat her sandwich crusts with my coffee for breakfast. 😊

#parentlife #schoollunch #singlemommy
Take this however you want. 😜 #lifequotes #lif Take this however you want. 😜

#lifequotes #lifeinspiration #quotable #marktwainquote #marktwain #doright
I don’t go to church often. But I did today and I don’t go to church often. But I did today and I believe it was to hear this message. So many times I want to hurt those who have hurt me. Or strike back to stand up for myself. Or just bumble around feeling resentful fantasizing about vengeance. (Like against all those rich people that are bidding up home prices in Marin county). 

But perhaps the harder path… to feel… is what’s required. “Holding on to the pain is a harder than vengeance” the Reverend said. I know this. Will Smith knows this too. 

Maybe if we hold long enough we’ll be able to let go……

#sundayinspiration #resentment #divorcedmom #divorcedparents #workingmomlife #singlemom #balancedlifestyle #lettinggoquotes #letitgo
Lightness. What can you drop to make 2022 a bit ea Lightness. What can you drop to make 2022 a bit easier, lighter, and perhaps even….joyful? 

#workingmom #singlemom #singlemomlife #coparenting #midlifestyle #midlifewoman
My little baker learned how to crack eggs today! S My little baker learned how to crack eggs today! She did five all on her own including three for scrambled eggs and two for applesauce muffins! To me cracking eggs is just a big a ritual as riding a bike. #mommyandme #kidbaking #singlemomlife #littlebaker
Scenes from the weekend up at the cabin in the cra Scenes from the weekend up at the cabin in the crazies. I’m t had been years since I’d been back to MT in winter. It won’t be years inbetween winter visits ever again.
I haven’t been back to Montana Winter in a while I haven’t been back to Montana Winter in a while….cold and calming. And… no stinkin’ lift lines at the slopes.

#montanagirl #backhome #skiday #getoutside
Off to Montana to see my cousin, maybe ski, and re Off to Montana to see my cousin, maybe ski, and remember life perspective while in big sky country under the pines, hearing my feet crunch on snow. Nature always brings me calm. So does a glass of wine with people I love. How about you? 

#montanagirl #bigskycountry #naturelover #traveling #skiweekend
Happy 70th birthday to an amazing mother and even Happy 70th birthday to an amazing mother and even more amazing Nana. Thank you for remaining young in your heart and gracing everyone with your positivity, warmth , and wit. We’re so lucky to have you! Here’s to…. Another 70?!? 😊

#70thbirthday #blendedfamily #grandkids #happybirthdaymom❤️
Sometimes I feel I’m juggling the world especial Sometimes I feel I’m juggling the world especially after joining a rapidly growing startup. But I’m still moving while holding all that is important to me. Vivi and I still have “special time” to talk about faeries. I enjoy an occasional glass with of wine (or whiskey) with friends. And I still do sit-ups each morning. Perhaps it’s true what they say- you want something done- give it to a busy person. Or a single mom! We know how to keep holding on while moving forward….

#careermomlife #workingparents #singlemom #girlmom #startupgrind #lifebalance #workingwoman #singlemothers #singlemommy
Impromptu sock puppet arguing with another sock pu Impromptu sock puppet arguing with another sock puppet (not shown) on if Vivi would eat more Chicken or green beans. And this is how we finish meals in my house. 

Socks courtesy of my feet. 

#singlemom #toddlerdinner #eatingwithkids #careeemom #careermomlife #parentinghacks #parentingtips
Finished my Em cee role at Narvar kickoff with a g Finished my Em cee role at Narvar kickoff with a glass of Rye Whisky! 🥃 

#startuplifestyle #careermom #rooftopparty #retailtech
In Valentines past I would write about love, love In Valentines past I would write about love, love lost or some elusive romance. I was either relishing something or someone, or coveting something or someone. Enter 2022. After two years of a global pandemic, becoming a single mom and starting a job in a fast paced startup, I laugh at romance. Who has time for Cupid when you’re trying to survive? So not this year. Not today. Romance- maybe I’ll see you in 2023. Everything in time, right? Big shoutout to all the single parents out there, who like me woke up at 6am to make Valentines for their kids school. ❤️❤️❤️you rock! 

#singlemom #yougotthis #workingmom #feministmom #startupmom #workingmomlife #workingwomen
Today I’m madly prepping for our company kickoff Today I’m madly prepping for our company kickoff while taking care of a four year old whose school is closed. One hour of coloring /one hour of zoom. We go out to grab lunch to go and ITS PACKED. People laughing while waiting in line, taking two hours to eat a fancy salad, strolling around without a care in the world. On a work day!!
No one brought a laptop with them. No one checking their phone. They’re enjoying themselves!! The audacity. 

I hate them.

#workingmom #singlemom #workingmom #startuplife
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Latest Posts

Looking for True Love? Find Your Tribe

Continue reading

How to Make a Rainbow Out Of Motherly Love

Continue reading

Is Passionate Love Worth Your Sanity?

Continue reading

I’m Sick of People Preaching “Self Love” and Here’s Why

Continue reading

To Be What You Want to Be, Stop Wanting and Doing….

Continue reading

Are You Stuck in a Creative Rut? Three Ways to Get Out

Continue reading

Time Stressed? 5 Hacks for an Additional 30 Minutes Each Day

Continue reading

Site Map

  • Writing
  • About
  • Contact
  • Home