Relationships

Please do this one thing for me …

Please do this one thing for me …

Please tell me you see me. Please notice my breaths and efforts. Currently I feel invisible and alone. We all do. How can you see me, you ask? What exactly should you notice? Anything, as long as it’s specific. 1. Praise me for keeping the kids alive another day. One...

Releasing Unforgivable Hurts

Releasing Unforgivable Hurts

“Every marriage suffers unforgivable hurts,” I remember my mother saying. I was young at the time and had no idea what she was referencing. Nor did I want to know. I preferred to think of my parent’s marriage as perfect. Hurts, sure, yes. But I imagined them fleeting...

Three Signs You’re Too Lazy For Love

Three Signs You’re Too Lazy For Love

During my years of singledom I blamed San Francisco’ urbanity, technology, and Peter Pan inhabitants for my interminable alone state. Then it dawned on me…perhaps the the dating problem wasn’t external…perhaps the problem was ME. Lazy, egotistical, impetuous me. If...

Why You Should Give Your Lover an Onion

Why You Should Give Your Lover an Onion

While Shelly was single she was always jealous of the coupled-ups that posted their romantic evenings on Instagram every February 14th. Love, the ‘head-over-heels, roll-down-the-hill kinda love’, was all she wanted out of life. Every night before she went to bed she...

Why You Can’t Find the One: Part 2

Why You Can’t Find the One: Part 2

Find the one? No? Well neither has anyone else. Nine months ago I wrote a post that went more viral than a Trump Tweet. It was covered by four publications and seen by over a million readers, all interested in understanding one thing — “Why You Can’t Find the One.”...

Do We Do it For Love or Money?

Do We Do it For Love or Money?

I always wondered if the size of a woman’s diamond ring was inversely proportional to her marital happiness. Perhaps I’m jealous. Or perhaps I’ve finally decided a simple left hand leads to greater life satisfaction. But I wasn’t always this way… Manhattan 2004 A...

Why You Can’t Fall in Love Like You Want To

Why You Can’t Fall in Love Like You Want To

“I just want to fall in love,” he said. “Nothing beats holiday romance.” Charlie blasted ‘Baby it’s cold outside’ from his new Amazon Echo while sipping mulled wine. “I just hope love happens to me so I can Fa la la la with someone.” It was November 24th and Charlie...

How to Survive a Red-Blue Thanksgiving

How to Survive a Red-Blue Thanksgiving

This election isn’t just dividing the nation into red and blue color maps-it’s fracturing families along party lines, just in time for the holidays. Many of my friends in San Francisco are dreading Thanksgiving, usually a time of family merriment and togetherness....

The One Thing to Save Your Relationship

The One Thing to Save Your Relationship

What is the one thing to save your relationship ? Communication. It is the most critical ingredient of any type of relationship. Yet today’s world has so much noise that we have all forgotten how to listen. “Yep, yep. Got it. Great. Yep. Yep,” he said. I was telling...

Why You Can’t Make Your Relationship Last

Why You Can’t Make Your Relationship Last

“Stop writing about finding a relationship,” he told me. “That’s the easy part. Write about how to keep one.” My friend John was a 40-year-old serial monogamist. He couldn’t make a relationship last even though he aspired to find a woman he could “have passionate sex...

My Family’s Gay Indian Montana Wedding

My Family’s Gay Indian Montana Wedding

“In my wildest dreams, I never thought I’d be going to a gay wedding,” said my uncle. “I didn’t even know what gay meant as a kid,” said my dad. “In college the term gay just meant being happy. We’d say we had a gay ol’ time.” My uncle chuckled. “Well, guess we’re...

When Lying is Better Than Truth

When Lying is Better Than Truth

Last week, I lied to all of you. Ok, I didn’t lie. But I certainly didn’t share the whole truth, which is almost the same thing. An old friend pointed this out to me while we were catching up downtown. “Heidi, what the hell was going on in your last post?” Like any...

Open Up, Close More Deals

Open Up, Close More Deals

“Don’t cry at work. If you are upset, go home and cry in the shower.” This was the advice I once gave a female colleague when she was going through a hard time, leaking tears all over our Excel spreadsheets. It was 2006 and we were climbing the management consulting...

Why You Cannot Find “The One”

Why You Cannot Find “The One”

“Write about the search,” he said. “That’s what’s fucking killing everyone.” “The search?” Did he mean finding a new rent controlled apartment that wasn’t possessed by fruit flies? Or perhaps a new startup job that boasted an extra one-zillionth percent of equity? In...