HEIDI · ISERN

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Feb 13, 2025

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The Space Between: What Spain Keeps Teaching Me About Success

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I spoke at church Sunday on inner beauty, resting

I spoke at church Sunday on inner beauty, resting passages from my latest Substack article on ur (link in bio).

-an excerpt below. And stay tuned for this weeks essay when I write on being a badass….inner beauty and all… 😊🤠

“……….What I found, slowly, was that inner beauty is not a consolation prize for people who didn’t win the other kind.
It is a completely different currency. It’s what makes you curious about other people instead of threatened by them. It frees up your time. Instead of fretting over your face in the mirror, you are outside watering your plants or watching the hummingbird eat from the feeder.
It allows you to get outside of yourself and see the innate beauty of the world around you. You start focusing on actions. Bringing soup to the sick neighbor. Accepting a ride to the airport because someone has extra time to give. These are not glamorous. They will not get you photographed for a magazine. But they are the things that make people beautiful to you in ways you carry for decades. It is inner beauty that builds community…..”

“I don’t really care what I look like,” my eight-y

“I don’t really care what I look like,” my eight-year-old told me. “I just want to be me.”

She said it the way she says everything important — with complete, uncombed certainty.

I grew up wandering the snowy backwoods behind our house in upstate New York hoping to find Narnia. Some place that would see the inner me. I never found it. I found a lot of snowflakes, dead leaves, and one very suspicious squirrel.
It took me decades to figure out what she already knows.
Inner beauty isn’t a consolation prize for people who didn’t win the other kind. It is a completely different currency. The kind that makes you curious about other people instead of threatened by them. The kind you carry for decades.

C.S. Lewis wrote a whole book about the veil we wear trying to be seen the right way. The trick, he thought, is becoming someone you’d actually want to see without it.
That’s the only beauty that holds.

New essay on humanmatingdance.substack.com

Link in bio.

#midlife #womenwriting #innerbeauty #humanmatingdance #substack motherhood beautystandards selfdiscovery

Best Mother’s Day yet . All we need is the outdoor

Best Mother’s Day yet . All we need is the outdoors. We went to our favorite redwood hike and then the beach in Sonoma County.

Ten years ago I wrote a viral post about why you c

Ten years ago I wrote a viral post about why you can’t find the one.
I thought I had it figured out.

Then my life came apart. Cue the mortgage, the shaggy dog, the eight-year-old with opinions, and Bumble.

Turns out chemistry is the easy part.
It’s the kid schedules that will kill you.

New essay up. Link in bio. 🥃

Humanmatingdance.substack.com

A card on a ship asked me: Where are you playing s

A card on a ship asked me: Where are you playing small when you know you have the capacity to do more?

The room went silent. Every woman in the circle sucked in her breath like the card had read their browser history.

I almost cried. On a boat. On a Friday.

I went to Summit at Sea to find the courage I’d quietly buried under school pickups and client decks and the performance of having it together.

What I found was a philosopher who said something I haven’t stopped thinking about:

At some point it is not fear. It’s a decision to stay the same.
I am done making that decision.

New essay up. Link in bio. The rest are on Humanmatingdance.substack.com

Last night at Summit!

Last night at Summit!

Hello from Miami - summit at sea day 1

Hello from Miami - summit at sea day 1

“Mama we have everything we need” My 8-year-old

“Mama we have everything we need”

My 8-year-old asked me if we had everything we needed.
She listed food, family, and our dog.

Then fell asleep in three minutes.

I lay there doing the San Francisco comparison math for another hour.

One of us has it figured out.

New essay up, link in bio.

Humanmatingdance.substack.com
#midlife #motherhood #substack #humanmatingdance #womenwriting gratitude enoughisafeast

Have you followed me on Substack yet? (Humanmating

Have you followed me on Substack yet? (Humanmatingdance.substack.com)

I just wrote about the feral nature we lost yet need.

I watched Wild last weekend in my pajamas while my dog snored on my feet and my mortgage quietly judged me from the walls. Cheryl Strayed lost a boot off a cliff, duct-taped her sandals to her feet, and kept going. I was personally indicted.

Because I used to be that person. I canceled boyfriends and jobs and bought round-the-world tickets on a whim. I summited Kilimanjaro. I drove solo across the entire US for three months on guts and gas station food. Now I consider it a wild Saturday if I don’t check Slack before noon.

So where did my guts go? And can I get them back?

New essay is up. Where is Your Wild. Link in bio

Friendly reminder that I have been bench pressing

Friendly reminder that I have been bench pressing incorrectly for an unknown period of time, my novel has now been rejected fifteen times, and I sent my child to school in boots last worn at an actual horse barn because the sneakers I ordered were all the wrong size. I forgot her shoe size despite being her mother for eight years.
JK Rowling only had twelve rejections unlike my 15, so technically I am winning something. I’m not sure what.
Any my daughter looks cool in boots. The bench press....well I am learning.
My latest substack essay is on failure. All of it. Link in bio.
Humanmatingdance.substack.com

New essay is live and it starts with a maple salmo

New essay is live and it starts with a maple salmon someone told me was too sweet.
I took that feedback extremely well. By which I mean my entire culinary identity quietly left the building.
It’s about perfectionism, yes. But really it’s about identity. The things that make us feel most like ourselves, and how quickly one gentle dinner table critique can shake all of that.
Also: a birthday cake that came out the height of a hockey puck. One child cried. We served it anyway.
‘Falling Out of Perfection…With Only a Mild Concussion’ is live now. Link in bio and on humanmatingdance.substack.com
#midlife #perfectionism #substack #humanmatingdance #womenwriting identity midlifehumor

Started up a new substack on “The Human Mating Dan

Started up a new substack on “The Human Mating Dance”. Humorous essays about high-functioning women who redefining your place in life — what really matters now — in marriage (or dating), ambition, motherhood and identity. Here is my first post! Link in bio of go to humanmatingdance.substack.com

Instagram post 18104213782718546

Instagram post 18104213782718546

Instagram post 17946796389070108

Instagram post 17946796389070108

My fifth trip to Spain taught me (again) the that

My fifth trip to Spain taught me (again) the that pauses and spaces inbetween things matter more than the things themselves. I wrote today on the importance of slowing down, chucking the phone and my ambitions for 2026. Link in bio!

Merry Christmas Day! Last stop at the pier before

Merry Christmas Day! Last stop at the pier before we board our flight to Spain!

Instagram post 18114151444521962

Instagram post 18114151444521962

Instagram post 18084803402036436

Instagram post 18084803402036436

I thought frantic proved dedication…. But then I s

I thought frantic proved dedication…. But then I stopped being productive. A night at lightscape in SF taught me that taking a break for joy makes you far more creative and productive . New blog post up! Link in bio!!! (Heidiisern.com) ❤️🙏

Vivi is away with her dad and brother so the rest

Vivi is away with her dad and brother so the rest of the Iserns congratulated near the Sierras, argued over when we ate turkey, got competitive over cards and stuffed ourselves silly. Three types of pies…. And yes we’re grateful! ☺️

Follow on Instagram

Latest Posts

The Space Between: What Spain Keeps Teaching Me About Success

Continue reading

Frenzy ≠ Productivity: What I learned by saying “no”

Continue reading

What I’m Grateful to AI For This Thanksgiving

Continue reading

Dancing out of Perfection

Continue reading

Dating in Your 40’s: Stop Chasing Fireworks. Start Building Fireplaces

Continue reading

What My Daughter’s Halloween Costume Taught Me About Authenticity

Continue reading

Navigating A Relationship Transition with Grace: Personal and Professional

Continue reading

Instagram

I spoke at church Sunday on inner beauty, resting

I spoke at church Sunday on inner beauty, resting passages from my latest Substack article on ur (link in bio).

-an excerpt below. And stay tuned for this weeks essay when I write on being a badass….inner beauty and all… 😊🤠

“……….What I found, slowly, was that inner beauty is not a consolation prize for people who didn’t win the other kind.
It is a completely different currency. It’s what makes you curious about other people instead of threatened by them. It frees up your time. Instead of fretting over your face in the mirror, you are outside watering your plants or watching the hummingbird eat from the feeder.
It allows you to get outside of yourself and see the innate beauty of the world around you. You start focusing on actions. Bringing soup to the sick neighbor. Accepting a ride to the airport because someone has extra time to give. These are not glamorous. They will not get you photographed for a magazine. But they are the things that make people beautiful to you in ways you carry for decades. It is inner beauty that builds community…..”

“I don’t really care what I look like,” my eight-y

“I don’t really care what I look like,” my eight-year-old told me. “I just want to be me.”

She said it the way she says everything important — with complete, uncombed certainty.

I grew up wandering the snowy backwoods behind our house in upstate New York hoping to find Narnia. Some place that would see the inner me. I never found it. I found a lot of snowflakes, dead leaves, and one very suspicious squirrel.
It took me decades to figure out what she already knows.
Inner beauty isn’t a consolation prize for people who didn’t win the other kind. It is a completely different currency. The kind that makes you curious about other people instead of threatened by them. The kind you carry for decades.

C.S. Lewis wrote a whole book about the veil we wear trying to be seen the right way. The trick, he thought, is becoming someone you’d actually want to see without it.
That’s the only beauty that holds.

New essay on humanmatingdance.substack.com

Link in bio.

#midlife #womenwriting #innerbeauty #humanmatingdance #substack motherhood beautystandards selfdiscovery

Best Mother’s Day yet . All we need is the outdoor

Best Mother’s Day yet . All we need is the outdoors. We went to our favorite redwood hike and then the beach in Sonoma County.

Ten years ago I wrote a viral post about why you c

Ten years ago I wrote a viral post about why you can’t find the one.
I thought I had it figured out.

Then my life came apart. Cue the mortgage, the shaggy dog, the eight-year-old with opinions, and Bumble.

Turns out chemistry is the easy part.
It’s the kid schedules that will kill you.

New essay up. Link in bio. 🥃

Humanmatingdance.substack.com

A card on a ship asked me: Where are you playing s

A card on a ship asked me: Where are you playing small when you know you have the capacity to do more?

The room went silent. Every woman in the circle sucked in her breath like the card had read their browser history.

I almost cried. On a boat. On a Friday.

I went to Summit at Sea to find the courage I’d quietly buried under school pickups and client decks and the performance of having it together.

What I found was a philosopher who said something I haven’t stopped thinking about:

At some point it is not fear. It’s a decision to stay the same.
I am done making that decision.

New essay up. Link in bio. The rest are on Humanmatingdance.substack.com

Last night at Summit!

Last night at Summit!

Hello from Miami - summit at sea day 1

Hello from Miami - summit at sea day 1

“Mama we have everything we need” My 8-year-old

“Mama we have everything we need”

My 8-year-old asked me if we had everything we needed.
She listed food, family, and our dog.

Then fell asleep in three minutes.

I lay there doing the San Francisco comparison math for another hour.

One of us has it figured out.

New essay up, link in bio.

Humanmatingdance.substack.com
#midlife #motherhood #substack #humanmatingdance #womenwriting gratitude enoughisafeast

Have you followed me on Substack yet? (Humanmating

Have you followed me on Substack yet? (Humanmatingdance.substack.com)

I just wrote about the feral nature we lost yet need.

I watched Wild last weekend in my pajamas while my dog snored on my feet and my mortgage quietly judged me from the walls. Cheryl Strayed lost a boot off a cliff, duct-taped her sandals to her feet, and kept going. I was personally indicted.

Because I used to be that person. I canceled boyfriends and jobs and bought round-the-world tickets on a whim. I summited Kilimanjaro. I drove solo across the entire US for three months on guts and gas station food. Now I consider it a wild Saturday if I don’t check Slack before noon.

So where did my guts go? And can I get them back?

New essay is up. Where is Your Wild. Link in bio

Friendly reminder that I have been bench pressing

Friendly reminder that I have been bench pressing incorrectly for an unknown period of time, my novel has now been rejected fifteen times, and I sent my child to school in boots last worn at an actual horse barn because the sneakers I ordered were all the wrong size. I forgot her shoe size despite being her mother for eight years.
JK Rowling only had twelve rejections unlike my 15, so technically I am winning something. I’m not sure what.
Any my daughter looks cool in boots. The bench press....well I am learning.
My latest substack essay is on failure. All of it. Link in bio.
Humanmatingdance.substack.com

New essay is live and it starts with a maple salmo

New essay is live and it starts with a maple salmon someone told me was too sweet.
I took that feedback extremely well. By which I mean my entire culinary identity quietly left the building.
It’s about perfectionism, yes. But really it’s about identity. The things that make us feel most like ourselves, and how quickly one gentle dinner table critique can shake all of that.
Also: a birthday cake that came out the height of a hockey puck. One child cried. We served it anyway.
‘Falling Out of Perfection…With Only a Mild Concussion’ is live now. Link in bio and on humanmatingdance.substack.com
#midlife #perfectionism #substack #humanmatingdance #womenwriting identity midlifehumor

Started up a new substack on “The Human Mating Dan

Started up a new substack on “The Human Mating Dance”. Humorous essays about high-functioning women who redefining your place in life — what really matters now — in marriage (or dating), ambition, motherhood and identity. Here is my first post! Link in bio of go to humanmatingdance.substack.com

Instagram post 18104213782718546

Instagram post 18104213782718546

Instagram post 17946796389070108

Instagram post 17946796389070108

My fifth trip to Spain taught me (again) the that

My fifth trip to Spain taught me (again) the that pauses and spaces inbetween things matter more than the things themselves. I wrote today on the importance of slowing down, chucking the phone and my ambitions for 2026. Link in bio!

Merry Christmas Day! Last stop at the pier before

Merry Christmas Day! Last stop at the pier before we board our flight to Spain!

Instagram post 18114151444521962

Instagram post 18114151444521962

Instagram post 18084803402036436

Instagram post 18084803402036436

I thought frantic proved dedication…. But then I s

I thought frantic proved dedication…. But then I stopped being productive. A night at lightscape in SF taught me that taking a break for joy makes you far more creative and productive . New blog post up! Link in bio!!! (Heidiisern.com) ❤️🙏

Vivi is away with her dad and brother so the rest

Vivi is away with her dad and brother so the rest of the Iserns congratulated near the Sierras, argued over when we ate turkey, got competitive over cards and stuffed ourselves silly. Three types of pies…. And yes we’re grateful! ☺️

Follow on Instagram

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About
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